The power of persistence, teamwork and a very loyal sports bra
Normally I’d be experiencing significant FOMO with Saltwell team mates off to the Eildon Hills Fell Race at the weekend, but while they were off to Melrose I was off to Wetherby for my 11th Total Warrior event. Probably my favourite event of the year and definitely the most fun. In my opinion it’s a race to be enjoyed as a team, and I love to recruit new unwitting victims, I mean team members, to team Just Zig Zag. It’s not really a harriers or athletic club event…far too serious to be included with teams such as Dad Bods, The Disappointments, Worst Pace Scenario, Runners Nipple Cream or the Soggy Gussets!
So what is Total Warrior? It is definitely a test of all round fitness as well as mental determination with around 25 obstacles over 6km or 12 km of shall we say interesting terrain. For the hardcore endurance athletes there’s also an option of Ultra Warrior, completing as many laps of the course as possible within the 5 hour cut off.
The obstacles involve climbing, jumping, swimming, submerging, sliding, running, sprinting, carrying and swinging with plenty of water, mud, fire, smoke, ice, and just a little bit of electricity (10,000 volts). There’s no requirement to complete every obstacle, so no need to worry eg if you don’t want to be fully submerged in water. I’m generally up for trying anything, but a few years ago I climbed into the icy ‘Plunge’ and instead of just going for it and dunking myself under the beam I kept counting 3-2-1, 3-2-1 in my head… a few too many times until I think I came close to a cold water induced panic attack. This year with every intention of just going for it, I asked the safety marshal to count me in so the same thing didn’t happen. The Plunge is definitely my nemesis and I’m always glad when it’s done and dusted and I stop hyperventilating.
This year Just Zig Zag was a team of six, heading off to Bramham Park, home of Leeds Festival and the Bramham Horse trials, with a historic country house set in beautiful landscaped grounds. We arrived in good time and were directed to park furthest from the event village (bit of a warm up then) but also close to a single portaloo, so not all bad. After collecting our numbers, head band and chip timer we returned to the car for something to eat. Mick had done a welcome Greggs run for proper warrior fuelling of cheese and onion pasties. After thinking we were late for our wave, we realised our wave was running late so we sneaked into the pen, not an easy task when you’re wearing a bright orange vest. And off we went. This year due to the hot temperatures the organisers announced they may cut short some of the run distances between obstacles if they were in very exposed areas. None of the run was cut short, but the first obstacle ‘Leg It’ which is usually 3 ups and downs on a fairly extreme hill was a reduced to a single up. Anyone thinking about doing this event Herbert Street Hills club sessions is very good preparation for this obstacle.
The next couple of obstacles involve climbing and are where some upper body and core strength come in handy, but perfectly doable with a little help from your friends. Next onto the ‘Human BBQ’, time to take a run up and give it your best leap over burning coals and into some cooling muddy water. Next up there’s 100m of ups and downs of mud hills, to slide, run or fall down. After a bit of running, more mud. The first time I completed this event in 2014, the aptly named ‘Cement Mixer’ almost claimed my shoe as my friend over-vigorously tried to pull me out when I was thigh deep in thick mud and couldn’t move for laughing. The suction almost had that Mizuno shoe but I was determined to keep it (and did). Some are not so lucky. Some actually duct tape their shoes on.
‘The Plunge’ that I mentioned earlier is next, although this year renamed ‘Below and Beyond’. My advice is wait for the person in front of you to be out the other side and just go for it. You don’t want to be hanging around waiting while they (er, me) procrastinate in 4 ft of 3 degree water.
‘Slideaway’ is one of those obstacles that make you feel six years old again. But like one of those Instagram fail videos where you’re the six year old loving life until you come to a speeding calamitous end as you hit the water so fast your soul leaves your body. Well at least I had to check my trusty old TW bra hadn’t! It’s still fun though.
Soon we were heading towards the ‘Leap of Faith’, another watery obstacle, which for many has a slightly intimidating appeal that results in plenty of will I or won’t I, I can’t quite decide to-ing and fro-ing (just ask Mick Gifford!). Ascend the scaffold to a slippery platform ready to take a giant leap and try to ring the bell suspended above the muddy man made lake 3 metres below. I should have known full well I had no chance of hitting the bell as I launched myself with a safety style stride jump, full of enthusiasm and misplaced optimism. Exit lake, quick bra check. 10/10. Would recommend.
Although I always say we run as a team, we start together, we finish together, there is one ‘obstacle’ known as ‘Sprint King’ where all bets are off. For that 100m sprint it’s everyone for themselves and I will have no morals, no loyalty and no guilt. I will happily sacrifice my team mates to the mud gods in exchange for a place on that Sprint Leaderboard. We can be friends again when everyone is over that timing mat. This year I nabbed first place in my category and 10th female overall.
I always thought they made ‘The Shocker’ a bit too easy but this year they strategically placed a barrier so you couldn’t get a run up to it, and on this obstacle made up of hanging wires momentum is your best defence. It’s only a mild tingle. I’ve had worse on the escalator in the Metro Centre. Others may disagree. There’s a lovely quote on the TW website, ‘Nobody told me I would be electrocuted’.
There was more mud and water next at the ‘Worm Muncher’, where keeping your bum low is imperative if you don’t want it on show for the remaining obstacles (barbed wire). Total Warrior is great for getting a good (or terrible) wash just when you need it and the next obstacle ‘Swing or Swim’ was going to be very wet regardless. An overhead scaffold pole to grab onto and try to maintain your grip while you build momentum and swing along. My friend Priya wasn’t tall enough to reach it. I assumed she would just jump into the water below like me (who was tall enough!) but no, she leapt up and grabbed it mid air Lara Croft style and nailed it. Entry into the water below is guaranteed, but one guy put this off to demonstrate whatever it was with a few pull ups. A short swim across and then we had an exhilarating cool clean water shower, which made a nice change! A nice challenge to come was ‘Log it’. Take it easy and choose a small log to carry up the hill (before coming back down with it) or make life hard and choose a huge log. Or you can take two logs. Or three. You can walk, or not to be outdone, Mick ran, chasing his 21 year old nephew up the hill. I always think there should be a nice picnic at the top but we usually settle for a team photo, and this year was no exception. Back down the hill, big log deposited (why does that sound wrong?) and I like to run up the short but steep hill as you can almost see the finish in sight. But first you have to conquer ‘The Alps’, a 15 ft tall A-frame climbing wall to test your upper body, grip strength and route choice, and once over the top you have a small ledge to ease your way backdown. I love the climbing obstacles.
Ten times I have failed to get across ‘Hang Tough’, the second last obstacle. Monkey bars (over 4 ft of water) with unforgiving ridges that really hurt your hands. I was confident last year and got the furthest I’d ever managed, but when the ladder rungs drop to become ropes and your legs are tired and almost in the water … early bath time. But this year was different, and I’m pleased to say eleventh time lucky for me. All the way, even the rope drop, and no early bath. I really thought lack of running training over the last 3 months due to a back issue/pinched nerve was going to make TW less enjoyable. Perhaps all the core work I am having to do to try to stabilise and strengthen my back is starting to pay off.
The final obstacle, which has been made a bit safer than when I first started my TW journey, is ‘Peaks of Pain’, and a nice ‘high’ to end on with a wide 15 ft tall sloped wall, with ropes just slightly out of reach, to help pull yourself up. My son Sam, who has completed the last three TW events with me, started his TW journey spectating, and I can remember him as a nine year old shouting words of encouragement to me as I tried to take a run up and grab the rope before missing it and sliding back down ‘come on mam, think of the cake’.
Everyone safely over the peak, nothing broken, everyone happy and we had a last run to cross the finish line together. Another yellow t shirt, another free beer. We stayed to soak up the event village atmosphere and music before heading home. Great day. Weather was perfect after a slightly boiling hot start. Organisation of such a large scale event fantastic, volunteers fab and brilliant company. My only disappointment was returning home to Ian demanding that I retire my trusty old TW bra. I really don’t see the problem with broken elastic, snapped wires and rib cage grazes, and although it has served me well and I really do think TW 2026 would be a risk. Thank you for reading and I hope some of you might now be inspired to take on The Great Northern Mud Run. Several have, and all lived to tell the tale!